I wanted to send a package to maddy in china. I decided the post office would be cheaper than UPS but far more of a pain in the ass, but I figured I'd go with them anyway. Sure enough, it was.

I walked in with my box and tried to get on line. The 104/amsterdam post office is so insanely disorganized and inefficient, to the point wher ethey need a woman who's entire job is to walk around and answer questions and direct people to where they need to go. seems like a good idea except that it should BE OBVIOUS where to go and how to get what you need and see what your options are for sending shit to people.

I want to send a small box to china. Seemed like a simple request. She took one look at my package (i was re-using a ups box so it had a label on it already) and was outraged that i would bring that tainted box into the post office. "it needs to be covered over. you can't send it like that" fair enough, i said, but aren't i going to fill out some big form that will cover it over completely? like a big sticker or label that you're going to put onto th ebox?

"no, we need to cover it up."

i said OK, how do we do that. "you need a sharpie."
do you have a sharpie. "no, we dont give them out to people because they walk off with them."
i didnt realize sharpies were such hot commodities. but you're a post office, surely you must have some writing device or sticker or paper and glue or tape to cover up this section of the box.
she says "you expcet everyone to do everything for you." i swear the entire time i was diffusing the hostility, being polite, asking nicely. "let me see what i can do," she says obnoxiously and walks off. i realize its not up to her to do this, but give me a break, its a goddamn post office. i'm not asking for CVS, just a little tape and a sharpie in case... JUST IN CASE... someone comes to the post office, waits on their 30 minute never ending line, and has to change something on theri f'ing box.

i say "um, maybe i should just go to ups then," as subtle hint that a) you guys are fucking retarded, b) ups isnt that great but at least they have some goddamn sharpies and tape and c) it's probably worth the $20 in pain-in-the-ass fees to just cut my losses and stop wasting time. she says "well it'll cost you $30 there,... ill be right back"

she comes back witha sharpie. tries to draw over the barcode, and it doesnt work. the only sharpie in the post office is all dried up.

then she comes out with a piece of paper and roll of tape and tapes it over. great, now we're getting somewhere. i write out the address as she instructs, thinking this is odd because i'm pretty sure i'll have to fill out one of their special labels. i keep asking her that and she keeps yelling no, fill it out this way.

she walks me over to the counter and says "here, mr. lee can help you now. MR LEE?" she is yelling through the glass because you can't hear shit on either side. "MR LEE, he wants to send this to china."

yes, lets see if mr. lee can help me. he takes one look at the packaging and says "this is not taped up correctly, you need to ..." at which point the obnoxious but kind of helpful woman who is still next to me starts yelling back (not mean, just so she can get through the glass) "no MR. lee, it was me. I taped up his package. I did that..." but mr. lee pays no heed. he raises his hand to get the woman to stop talking and directs his attention to me.

"you have to tape it up better because something can get underneath this and tear the paper in half," he explains with another letter how that would happen. i think to myself "ok, so um, can you just tape it up better," but he simply says that and moves on. if Mr. lee sees this packaging problem all the time, why doesnt he have a helpful piece of tape so i may fix my packaging. or better, while he's giving me the lesson in packaging design, maybe he could just fix it himself.

mr. lee was nice, though, and didnt do shit but did continue to help me with sending my package. right after he yelled at the woman and the woman walked away yelling to herself "i taped the package up. i did that. you need the paper to cover the label. so i covered the label..."

so mr. lee says "ok, so regular mail." i ask how much. $10. ok, cool. can i insure that?

"insurance???" he says. oh, you have to send that parcel post.

ahhh, parcel post, i think. what the fuck is parcel post, what is the difference, and why the fuck didnt that woman or mr lee mention this.

and then mr. lee takes out a HUGE mailing label (plenty large enough to cover the ups label) and says i need to fill it out. jesus christ, this is exactly why i should have gone to UPS in the first place. so after all this, i was right. i had to fill out a big label. so i did that, add the insurance, and mr. lee puts it on the box. the total is $20, hardly a bargain and i bet UPS could have done it for $25 in about 5 minutes (instead of the 45 it had just taken me).

i dont want to get started on the post office. but suffice it to say, it is the most inefficient place on earth and makes the chinese consulate (which was fast, but i guess has a bad reputation) look like an amazon.com checkout.

god i hate you, post office. i hate you so much.